Scott Ervin outlines two specific habits he says dismantle childhood resilience

Scott Ervin, a professional educator who works with both children and adults, identifies two specific behaviors that he believes cause the most damage to a child’s development. In a column published this week for Tribune News Service, he argues that these two traits, resentment and entitlement, are the primary drivers of lifelong misery.

Ervin begins by noting a fundamental difficulty in human psychology. The brain struggles to process instructions on what to avoid. Instead of focusing on negative behaviors, he usually guides parents toward positive actions. For this specific piece, however, he flipped that approach to illustrate the destructive potential of two distinct emotional patterns.

The first habit is allowing a child to remain resentful. Ervin defines resentment as a bitter indignation stemming from the perception of unfair treatment. Children naturally start life in positions of weakness and poverty compared to a world that is large, strong, and wealthy. This disparity creates a feeling of powerlessness. When a child accepts this feeling, they place the cause of their unhappiness outside of themselves.

This external focus creates a cycle of stress. If a child believes the world is evil and working against them, they feel that no action can resolve their anger. Ervin warns that resentment often becomes a habit. When a child interacts with the world using anger, the environment reacts negatively. This reaction confirms the child’s belief that the world is hostile, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy of misery.

The second destructive habit is entitlement. Ervin describes this as the belief that one deserves specific privileges. In practical terms, this belief tells a child that someone other than themselves is responsible for their satisfaction. It often starts simply. A parent provides a requested item or service, such as a ride or a cleaned room, because the child asked for it.

Over time, these small accommodations can evolve into demands. If a parent continues to provide every good and service a child wants, they teach the child that satisfaction is external. The child learns that their happiness is not their responsibility. Like resentment, entitlement removes the locus of control from the individual and places it in the hands of others.

Ervin highlights the parallel between these two states. Both resentment and entitlement convince a child that they have no control over their own happiness. When a child feels powerless to improve their situation, the motivation to act disappears. The basic question of why one should get up in the morning or attempt new tasks loses its logic if the outcome is fixed by external forces.

The educator notes that these beliefs are comfortable for children. They require no effort or self-reflection. A child who views themselves as a victim of an unfair world does not have to work to change their circumstances. Conversely, taking responsibility for one's anger and happiness is uncomfortable. It requires struggle and a shift from being a victim to being a hero in one's own narrative.

Ervin concludes that while the path of responsibility is harder, it offers the only chance for genuine happiness. He plans to return to his standard format next week, where he will provide specific instructions on how to help children stop living resentful and entitled lives. For now, his assessment stands: these two habits are the quickest routes to depression and long-term distress.